On the Outside Looking In

Asalaam alaikum wahramatullahi wa barakatuhu. I have been enjoying this first semester of studies at IOU; from the set up and content of each course, to meeting sisters from literally all over the world. Alhamdulillah it is amazing to see how far Islam reaches!

Sometimes it feels like I'm on the outside looking in. What I mean by this, is that I'm an American. I was born here and raised in Oklahoma, where I have lived my entire life. While my country was founded on the basis of religious freedoms for all who live here and not any one particular religion, but like many Western countries, it is primarily Christian. I am also a revert to Islam and a niqabi and while there is a fairly decent sized Muslim population in my metro area, there are few sisters who choose to veil like I do. This is another reason that I, as well as other niqabi sisters in this country and others, in similar situations feel as if we are the only ones.

To me, it takes a lot of inner strength to wear niqab. It can be stressful going in public completely covered, expecting to be bombarded by so many staring eyes, hateful voices or harmful intentions. We are called "extreme", "oppressed", or "abused" for our choice to follow the Sunnah of our Prophet, peace and blessings upon him, more closely than others. My husband is looked at like he is a terrible person for "forcing" me to wear so many clothes, especially as the temperatures and humidity begin to rise. Yes, we get hot! It's hot outside and we would no doubt be equally as hot if we were wearing itty bitty shorts and tank tops but as I read on another sister's blog, it is a a sacrifice we are willing to make to be closer to Allaah.

As reverts, we are the newcomers to this most beautiful religion, where it seems harder to "get in" with those who were born Muslim. We sometimes have a hard time relating to anyone in any group, whether that group is part of the family, an existing friend, society or part of our new extended family in emaan.


There have been many public near break-downs when it seems that everyone has something to whisper about but it gets easier as the days go by. There are moments and days when I have to remind myself that the only opinion that matters is that of Allaah and while there are going to be those who judge me by my outer appearance, Al-Ḥasīb is the only one who can make the final judgement. He does not look at how a person looks on the outside, rather He knows the intentions of a person's heart and He is the All Knowing and The Most Merciful.

Taking these courses has allowed me to see that there are many sisters in similar places, who feel the same as I do at times. It is a reminder that there are others like me and thanks to the internet and our shared love of knowledge, we are able to connect with each other and we are not as alone as we think we are.  This is something that we all need to remember in sha Allaah. When we feel like we are all alone, that there is no one around who truly understands, Allaah is there to listen to our tears and our prayers.