The Moment of Truth

Assalamu Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu.

Sorry it's taken me a few days to get back here. I've had a lot of things going on but thanks for your patience. Anyway, I'm in the car for the next couple of hours going "home" to see my mom for a few minutes and pick up a few things from her so I figured this is a good time to write.

I moved with my family to Norman in 2009 but it was still almost four years before I came to know Islaam. I knew of it, but I had no idea that I would be accepting it as part of me and my life. Getting through school was high on the priority list, and it is still something I hope to be able to accomplish but it isn't at the top anymore.

Through my husband a few years prior, I had been introduced to someone who became one of my best friends. Amber and I had many things in common and even though we had different backgrounds and upbringings, we never went more than a couple of days without talking. When she moved overseas to take a new job, she introduced me to Fadilah and from there our lives were changed forever.

I spent many nights chatting with Fadilah and we became fast friends. She was an American and a revert to Islaam from years before and she spent most of her life after her reversion studying, learning and loving Allaah to the best of her ability. She was inspirational and taught me a lot about the religion that I had really only ever heard of on tv. She was so easy to talk to and understanding of both sides of my interests and concerns. In April or so, I, along with my husband, had decided to accept Islaam and Allaah, but I hadn't done so publicly yet. Amber was disbelieving that so quickly we had chosen to accept Islaam on our own but after a lengthy conversation with me, her best friend, and Fadilah she too accepted Islaam into her heart and took her shahada the next day and eventually flew to Saudi Arabia to continue her studies.

In early May, Fadilah came to Oklahoma from London to meet me and go to Jummah. I wanted to meet her and it would have been my first time to ever be in a masjid. I wanted to meet her so badly but I was so nervous. Really though, I was TERRIFIED! Mostly I think because even though I had decided to become Muslim in my heart, I was afraid of what everyone inside the masjid would think about me. I sat in the parking lot of the masjid, crying and too scared to go inside. I missed my chance to meet my friend and she went back to London the next day. Even though she forgave me for standing her up, she unexpectedly suffered a brain hemorrhage a few days later and went into a coma that she never recovered from. It was because of her that I came to Islaam, or rather, Islaam came to me, and the night that she passed, I mustered up the courage, walked into the office of the imam of our masjid, cried and told him my problem. During the time I was in his office, the athan rang out through the halls of the building and I knew then that was where I wanted and needed to be. Two days later, I went in front of my sisters and said my shahada, accepting Islaam and Allaah into my life.

I miss Fadilah every day and I know that those other lives that she touched and changed miss her the same as I do.