Hard

Assalamu Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu.

It's hard some times... Some days harder than others. 

Balancing and blending the past with the present and preparing for the future. Learning and relearning. Studying, practicing, memorizing all of the aspects of my new life as a Muslimah while retaining some kind of "normal" for friends, family, co-workers and the general public who can't, don't or refuse to understand. And wishing that there was an easy, or at least an easier, way to tell them the answers to their questions without coming across as harsh, pushy, pious or extreme. Because even though my views, opinions and feelings of certain things have and continue to change, I'm none of those things. 

It's hard to explain to friends why I can't go to lunch, shopping or to their houses when I had no problems with doing so a couple of years ago. I know that I can, in reality, do the majority of the things that I used to but in doing so, I have to be willing to open myself up to criticisms, questions and judgements from those that I come into contact with. Sometimes that is the hardest part. Sometimes I get tired of the sideways glances and the "whispers" from strangers and unfortunately, from some of those who I thought were the closest to me. 

"This is America..", "Does she even belong in here??".. Even though generally  I try to make light of the comments and remember that I am doing my best to live by what Allaah has written and by what my Prophet, peace and blessings upon him, has taught, some times it is hard to put the hurtful words aside, forgive and move on.

      

       "Allah is with those who restrain themselves." [16: 128]

       "And the servants of Allah . . . are those who walked on the earth in humility, and when the ignorant address them, they say 'Peace'" [25:63]

Luckily, those who have stuck by me and supported me this far are some of the best I have and I couldn't ask for better. My husband is a great comfort and always lets me grip his hand a little tighter when too many eyes are staring and I'm grateful for that (thanks babe). 

The Quran is my guide and these are some good words to live by: 

  "Show forgiveness, speak for justice and avoid the ignorant." (Quran, 7:199), even though it's hard some times.